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It’s mainly sexual though — I find myself thinking that they’re comparing me to their ex-lovers.I know it’s a stupid insecurity, because I can’t control someone’s past or dictate who they slept with before me …Cosmopolitan magazine has become notorious for dishing out insane love and sex advice since the sixties, convincing women they should try “having sex on the hood of a parked car,” or “masturbate their men with grapes” to maintain their relationships. The Daily Beast sifted through the dos and don’ts of the magazine’s relationship insight to glean the seventeen worst tidbits of advice:1. —“and find the same things funny”—this is starting to get a bit sexist towards men, no? “Every day, my girl friend would stop by my lunch table to talk,” said Michael, age 19.Its words of romantic wisdom are intense, sometimes unbelievable, and almost all the time, just plain crazy. For the romantically—and sexually—curious teen set, Seventeen magazine claims to have all the answers. Of the “Sneaky Ways to Score Flirting Confidence,” Seventeen suggests learning to speak ‘guy,’ because speaking ‘girl’ obviously just isn’t enough. —“so if a girl quotes anything from Family Guy or a Will Ferrell movie, she’s hilarious.” Thank you, Joseph, 22, for your words of wisdom.4. “I got used to seeing her regularly and started looking forward to her dropping by.“The only exception is if she broke his heart, then I wait four months—to be fair to him.” Now that’s a true friend.16. (“I love hanging out with you.”)” Does he say he LOVES sports? If you’re in relationship purgatory, the best way to define your relationship is to pretend your BFF asked.
It’s interesting — one big insecurity I had to get past was when the person I’m with has had more sexual experiences than I have and has been in love more than I have.
“I think that they just see me as a safe person to talk about those things with, since I think and write about sex every day for work.” Smothers started her career by writing about an abortion clinic in Texas, when the state passed a law that “effectively closed all but seven of the state’s abortion clinics.” She then started writing more broadly about women’s health and politics, and because “a lot of publications put their women’s health and politics material in the same category as sex and dating material, it sort of all bled together at one point.” She recalls one of her earlier articles at Cosmopolitan that made a particular impact, which was about two women who were sexually assaulted in college, and what influenced their decision to either stay at that school, or leave after their assault.
“My goal with that article was to show that both decisions are perfectly valid,” says Smothers, “and survivors are strong as hell either way.
I think of them as just another bar you can either chose to or not to be in.” And her number one piece of advice?
“It’s cliché, but be really honest with yourself, and recognize that your needs from a relationship are going to change as you get older.